More Questions than Answers

Coming back from India was as hard as I expected. I didn’t want to leave. I felt as though my experience in India was incomplete. It didn’t help that I knew I was coming home to tough emotional hurdles but what I didn’t realise was that India had crept into my heart and planted roots there.  I don’t know what it is about the place that entangles you so, but India was like a self-destructive friend I couldn’t shake, nor did I want to. 

Cute AND corrupt, an awesome combo

Friends ask me what I loved most about India. That’s a difficult question to answer, especially on a superficial level because the answer is “nothing” and “everything”, all that once. What I loathed about India is what I came to love just as equally. Take, for example, the “annoying” habit Indians have of having no regard for line ups or a discernible queue. This initially drove me insane but on my last day in Mumbai, I finally accepted this as purely Indian. And so I overcame my Canadian-ness and I budged. It felt uncomfortable at first, especially considering I budged in front of a grandmother in the ferry line for Elephanta Island. However, she actually smiled at me and pushed on my back to budge in front of more people! On the other hand, I fell in love with the beautiful children who came across my path, all huge-eyed and blessedly quiet. But it would always be a con-artist-in-training kid who could ruin an otherwise brilliant day by aggressively begging for rupees or pick-pocketing me on a train.

Welcoming a stranger

My initial reaction to India was one of horrific wonder. Such a beautiful place populated with the most beautiful people! And then such terrible pollution, poverty and corruption.  The feeling when I left it was of awe. I had so many questions when I landed in India, many of which I still don’t have answers for. How does it even work? All those people, so little space, dwindling resources, drought, famine, terrorism, chaos. How do the people of India welcome people with open arms into their homes and communities? How do the majority of Indians live off of so little and consider themselves wealthy? How does the system of India work so seamlessly, as if there is an undercurrent of energy keeping the scales balanced?

  

I realise that I will have to return to India one day to find these answers. My first time in India was more about surviving than absorbing if I am being completely honest with myself. A palmist told me I would return in 2013, and that sounds about right to me. I’ve got a year+ to prepare. I think I’ll take up kick-boxing and a procure a year’s supply of hand sanitizer.