I Gots Biriyani Under My Fingernails!

Eating with your hands is trickier than it sounds. 

Years of being barraged by your parents into respectable table manners does not allow for an easy transition to eating rice and curry from a banana leaf with your hand. I am lucky though. I'm on an island in the backwaters of Kerala, surrounded by 6 very hungry Indian men. I imagine I look pretty ridiculous, picking up a few grains of soupy rice with my hand and nervously looking around the room before popping it in my mouth as quick as I can. Jackson, a man I believe named himself just this minute, laughed at my attempt to copy him with a twinkle and a half-sad shake of his head. “No, no, you lean into your food, like you are smelling it”. I didn’t realise I was sitting, bolted upright, tring to let my shaky hand do the work. 

“It’s like this Christian (I go by a lot of names here) Step 1: use your right hand, fingertips only (the left hand is reserved for other, less hygienic activities and the palm is considered holy) Step 2: moisten your food with curry or sanbar or biriyani to make it easier to pick up a chunk of it, rather than a few morsels Step 3: Lean into it! Make the distance from plate to mouth as short as possible Step 4, Just 'go for it', don’t try to be polite. And if you have to burp, do it really loudly. That is a sign that the food is good."

Of course I am adding a few connecting words here, but you get the gist, and so did I. I finished my meal before they did, and received way too many extra helpings, to the point of near nausea. Fifty rupees well spent but my mother is going to KILL me this Christmas dinner! I am still probably the world’s worst eater here but am thankful for Jackson`s tutorial.

There is also an after-meal wash up routine that I had to learn quickly. My fingers and especially under my nails, were saturated with Keralean deliciousness by meals end. Near the table was a bucket of water, and a curious jug that pops up everywhere here. With your left hand, you pick up the jug and fill it with fresh water, take a few steps to whichever is the nearest puddle/sewage drain/grass/tree/plant and rinse your right hand beneath the water. If someone is behind you, you hand the jug directly to them and rub your hands on your clothes or sari once you’re done. And beware, if you’re a female in the company of men and you are wearing a sari, a friend may use your sari to dry his hands off as well, usually without any warning. It is a sign of intimacy apparently. Again, going back to my neat freak tendencies, I would hope that anyone who knew me at all would never consider this move.

I`m still learning the many highly intriguing cultural differences over here but I feel secure that at least eating won`t draw as many stares as it did this day ìn Kerala.